im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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