I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
