Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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