You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
