He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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