Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
