Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
