yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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