Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
