the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
