His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
