I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
