Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
