I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
