Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
