I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
