she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
