He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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