Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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