I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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