I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
