I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
