i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
