i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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