I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
