I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
