dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
