On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
