The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
