So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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