I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
