Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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