Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
