you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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