I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
