Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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