I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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