Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
