So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He felt like a one man threesome
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
