my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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