That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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