if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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