I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
