I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
