There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
