I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
