fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
