I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
