Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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