Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
