This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
